How to pull a girl
by cookies and milk
Summary: Daisuke gets a love letter and asks Dark how to attract a girl. This results in halfnakedness, porno mags and Daisukes hot mother according to Dark. Don't worry it's not complete smut.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own D.N. Angel

By the way in this dark is able to be in his own body but not all the time. Also Mio Hio is a character from the anime who transfers to daisuke's school and who acts like she's in love with daisuke.

**How to pull a girl**

Daisuke opened up his locker and something fell out. He bent over to pick it up and saw that it was a plain brown envelope. He opened it up to find a sheet of paper and a small packet of chocolates.

"_Oh Daisuke, what's this, a secret admirer" _Dark said teasingly in his mind.

"Shut up" Daisuke said going bright red in the face.

"_Awww don't be like that I was only inquiring. It's not my fault that your seemingly such a……………**STUD**"_

At this Daisuke went so red that it looked like his face might explode and screamed "shut up" at seemingly no one while people turned to stare at him.

"What's wrong with Niwa-kun" asked Risa Harada to her older sister.

"How would I know" asked her sister going red in the face and walked off.

"What's wrong with her" thought Risa to herself.

She turned around to look at Niwa-kun only to see he had vanished.

Daisuke took off his shoes as he entered his home and made his way up to his bedroom where he found wiz dozing on his bed.

"Hey dark, I was just thinking you're good with the ladies aren't you?"

"_Yes so"_ he said deciding not to make this easy for him.

"Well ummmm I was wondering if you could like ummm you know ahhhhh…….. TEACH ME HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS!"

"_I suppose I could but you don't have to shout at me to do it y'know. Anyway first things first you have to learn how a girl or woman I suppose, really looks."_

"What do you mean?"

"I mean this" and with that dark flourished a pornographic magazine in front of daisuke's face.

But but but……. that's that's.

Porn yes. I know being the innocent boy that you are, you don't have any of these but if you want to woo a girl I thought you might be interested to know how they really look.

I…..I already know from umm science and the ahhhh ahem diagrams.

Ah yes, well, that isn't anything compared to this. And with dark opened up the magazine and began to show Daisuke the wonders of women and soon daisuke had really gotten into it. That of course was when Emiko walked in (daisuke's mom). Luckily Daisuke had just enough time to hide it behind his back before she came in and offered him some tea.

"Phew that was close" he thought to himself just as emiko walked back in saying something about biscuits. She stopped, looking at what was in his hands and quickly exited his room blushing and murmuring sorry.

"Ahh now look what you've done dark."

"_Me"_ Dark said surprised. _"You were the one enjoying it so much ha ha"_

"Oh just shut up" he said by now red faced

"_You know you're mothers quite hot"_

"Umm I suppose she is kind of"Daisuke murmured

"_Yeah you know I had the best dream ever yesterday while you were in class. Emiko and I were alone in the house and she came and was wearing this apron and we were talking and next thing I realise were on the table making out and I realise all she has on is the apron so I…."_

"Oh dear god will you shut up you sicko that's my mom you're talking about and don't you dare go near her."

"_How do you know I haven't already?"_

"You bastard ill kill you."

"_That might be a bit hard to do seeing as were in the same body and everything"_ Dark said laughing to himself while daisuke sat there quietly fuming.

"_Anyway"_ dark said wiping tears from his eyes, _"I have to teach you how to kiss."_

"Why do you assume that I don't know how to kiss?" Daisuke says indignantly while Dark just looks at him.

"What, what fine I haven't kissed anyone before."

"_There you go. Don't worry we'll soon fix that. Now I want you to practise on your arm"._

"What, with you watching?"

"_Yep"_ and after a bit of persuasion Daisuke did it.

"_No, no that's all wrong, that's not how you do it. Fine I guess……..you're going to have to practice on me"._

"You mean as in ki-kiss y-you?"

"_Yes well done genius now lean in."_ Suddenly Darks face was inches away from Daisuke's and his heart began to beat faster as Dark began to lean in, closing the gap between their mouths. Daisuke closed his eyes and moved forwards waiting…… only to be met by nothing

"_Ha ha, oh my god you were actually going to kiss me. You know you're not going to pull any girls if you're gay. I believe its guy you're looking for."_

"Shut up. I hate you. It's your entire fault. You were the one who was going to kiss me!"

"_Yeah, yeah whatever. Its okay I know your not gay."_

"Oh okay."

"_Now this freaks even me out a bit after that, but you're going to have to take off your shirt."_

"What, why do I have to do that?"

"_Because I have to see if you have anything that will make you more desirable, and nothings more desirable for a girl than a six-pack."_

"Oh okay" daisuke said while taking off his shirt and turning to face dark.

"_Hmmmm not bad, it's not a full six-pack but its halfway there which will definitely turn the ladies on." _Now comfortable with the whole situation he asked dark about himself.

"_Well look and see"_ Dark said taking his shirt off to show a well muscled stomach.

"Wow you're really defined. Does that really help attract the girls?

"_Oh yeah they lo………."_ just then emiko walked back in to apologise about earlier only to see Dark and Daisuke half naked and staring at each others chests. This time she just turned and walked out muttering to herself under her breath.

10 minutes later once daisuke had finished wallowing in misery Dark announced their mission. _"Okay this is the last part of your training. We are hitting the nearest club and picking up some girls."_

"Umm Dark there's one problem and that is the fact that I'm only 14 and am therefore illegal."

"_Oh yeah I forgot about that. Wait"_ he said clicking his fingers _"I have these he said pulling out two fake ideas. I got these a while back because I thought we might need them for a theft but we didn't so I kept onto them just in case."_

"Cool, when are we going?"

"_Tonight, first though we have to put you in some more appropriate clothes."_

Two hours later two young people exited a house and headed off to the nearest club.

"_Here we are"_ Dark said proudly showing Daisuke a room full of dancing people squashed together and a few drunks at the bar.

"Are you sure about this?"

"_Yeah sure our id's got us past security didn't they?"_

"That wasn't what I was talking about" he muttered but not loud enough for dark to hear. Dark was wearing a striking suit that was both casual and formal and ended up just looking great on him. Daisuke was wearing something like what he wore on mission's which had tight legs and a top with no sleeves.

"_Now our first destination is the bar. You can have the blonde and ill take the brunette."_

"Um okay if you say so" and with that they headed over to the bar where Dark ordered his girl a drink.

"Okay I can do this" he said taking a deep breath and bent towards the blonde and asked her if she wanted something to drink only to find that it was Mio the crazy girl from school who was always following him around and holding onto him. "Oh god not her" he thought to himself but out loud he said "hey what are you doing here?" She then went into a long explanation about getting her friend to get her in. In his mind though he was thinking about something dark had said earlier about looking at the "goods". Blushingly he took in Mio's slender form, long legs and sizeable breasts. Blushing he turned his head away.

"Daisuke are you all right" Mio asked concerned.

"I'm fine."

"I'm not boring you am I?" I know we can dance. She turned to look expectantly at him.

"Oh right well would you like to dance?"

"Yayyyyyyy id love to. Oh and by the way you look hot in those clothes" and with that she drags him to the dance floor where Daisuke decides to just stop thinking and relax. After a while he became more aware and realised that his hands were on Mio's ass and she was grinding up against him.

"You're so hot daisuke, I want you" mio whispered into his ear.

"Umm I-I've got to go to a place where there's a thing that needs doing. Right anyway………. so I'll be going." With that he ran off leaving Mio smiling to herself and thinking how hot he was.

"Oh dear god where are you Dark" he thought desperately and then glimpsed Dark in a clinch with the brunette from the bar. "We've got to go Dark" all the while looking behind him and was awarded with a glimpse of Mio calling out his name while searching for him. This gave him a new wave of fear so he grabbed Dark and dragged him with him out of the club. "Phew that was too close."

"_Did you get any"_ dark asked leering at him.

"None of your goddamn business."

"_Hmm so I imagined her ass in your hands then?"_

"Ahh shut up you paedophile."

"_Huh what do you mean paedophile?"_

"I mean I just find it a bit weird that even though you're eighteen you're only into fourteen girls like Risa and that girl in the bar!"

"_Humph their not that young" _

"I'll probably catch you at the beach next, with a camera."

"_Shut up there's nothing wrong with liking fourteen year olds."_

"Oh sure, if you're an old perv"

"_Oh yeah well maybe I should get an older woman. How about your mother?"_

"You bastard I'm going to kill you!"

And so the argument continued until the early hours of the morning. Daisuke never figured out that it was Dark who had written the love letter after all. Dark knowing what Daisuke would ask him did all this so he could get together with another fourteen year old girl at the club.

Please review this as I would love to know what you thought of this as I still haven't got the knack of writing stories yet since this is only my second. Oh and if anyone else loves Dark as much as I do please review and write about him if you want. Thanks :)


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